HiJinx
The game is on the 50 inch flat screen tv
and it never turns off.
It's right behind my friend's head.
It is distracting to the game which is being
played at the table.
"Oh, I've been here before" I say.
No one says anything.
I want an atom bomb to be dropped in the
middle of the restaurant.
I want all of our asses to be blown off.
The walls in here are puke green.
Wood floors.
Wood tables.
I am panicking.
I need to find a way out quick.
My head is spinning and my friend is talking
to me.
I am not listening to anything that the
person is saying.
I nod my head and make the exact gestures
that one makes when you're
conveying to someone that you are listening
to what they are saying.
I smile and go Mmm Hmph with my throat
I lift my eyebrows high.
I flash a grin.
The person talking is using hand gestures to
describe an action from a
television show that I've never seen.
Hand gestures.
Hand gestures.
Hand gestures to describe the actions of a
person acting for money hired to
use their actions to play a part of
something that will hopefully raise the
ratings on a network to make more money and
compete against other companies
doing the same thing.
#1
The television is blaring and bright and
intense.
The menu has grown and is bigger than me.
I have no clue what I want to eat.
Someone with an apron on comes over to me
and asks what I want to eat.
Suddenly a drop of puke green paint drips
from the ceiling onto the pad of
paper she is holding.
She smiles at me.
Another drop drips down from the ceiling and
hits her nose.
What the fuck is happening.
Things are falling apart.
Her teeth are so god damn white but the
television is still the center of
attention.
One of the men on the screen has fallen and
the camera zooms in onto his
face and he is screaming.
Cries of anguish and intense pain.
The paint is starting to drip more
consistently now.
I look at the other people at the table.
They are now drenched in puke green but no
one is saying anything.
Get a hold of yourselfffffff.
Yourself.
"Sir, do you know what you want?"
the woman asks.
I am freaking out and trying to find
something to eat.
She stares over me.
She owns me.
"That looks good" one of the
people around me says.
They all keep pointing to different words on
the menu.
"Um, Um" I say.
I put my head back and see that the paint is
literally flowing and sloshing
throughout the restaurant now.
The womans white teeth are now green and
disgusting.
Toxic.
"I'll have a salad" I say.
I let out a sigh of relief and close my
eyes.
Everybody else orders and then someone taps
my shoulder.
I look to my right and here a person say.
"Remember that one show that was really
popular, and that one actor that was
on the show, he's on a different show now,
and it's called this, and it's
really funny, you haven't seen it? what are
you doing? what do you do when
you go home? what are your hobbies? you've
really never seen it? do you know
who he is dating now? it's absolutely
ridiculous.."
I slowly get up and run out into the street.
The sky is bright and there are cameras and
televisions everywhere.
People have stopped moving and talking.
The people in the restaurants lining the
streets have stopped eating.
They are pointing too.
They are all pointing at me and now I am on
all of the television screens.
I sit down in the middle of the street and
feel dizzy.
I am still hungry.
I get another tap on the shoulder and turn.
There is a grizzly man who has opened up one
of the manhole covers on the
sewer.
I start to talk but he pulls me in.
I start to ask what the hell is happening
but he hands me an orange and a
banana.
As I start to peel them both he runs off
into the darkness and I am left
alone.
Justin Rands is floating around and writes
about it. He is 23 and getting
older by the second.
His writing can be found here: