back to issue four

robotmelon home



I dropped Veronica off at work.

We work in the same mall parking lot.

There is a blizzard.

Doppler Radar says there's going to be 13 inches of snow.

The car is slipping and the wheels are spinning.

I drop Veronica off.

There is two hours till I have to work.

I told Veronica I was going to get coffee but I decide to go to the porn store to masturbate in the video arcade for five dollars.

I'm driving down the strip and about to turn but there is so much snow I can't tell where the parking lot is. I pass the porn store because cars are behind me and I get nervous.

I have to piss really bad and the porn store has no bathroom. I pull into an Olive Garden.

There is barely anyone there and the bathroom is right next to the door.

I get out my car and walk through the wet snow to the door of Olive Garden. I look in and see like six workers standing around talking because no one is there. I don't want all those people to think I only went to Olive Garden to piss. I can handle like two people but not six.

I turn around as soon as I see them. Some of them probably saw me and thought I was nuts. I'm sure I had a look of absolute fear on my face too, which never helps.

I get back to the car and drive to the porn store. It has been plowed and I can find the entrance to the parking lot.

I park the car but still have to piss.

I look around and go to the back of the building.

It is still day and I'm scared someone will see me.

I unzip and piss on the snow.

The piss melts the snow and steams a little.

When I try to button my pants, the button breaks from its thread.

It flies down in a strange spiral caused by the wind.

It lands in the snow and piss and it is gone.

I can't do anything about the button at this moment, so I go in the porn store.

I enter the porn store.

It has been slightly remodeled for what reason, I have no clue.

The man at the corner is around sixty years old, is covered in wrinkles and is wearing a purple scarf. He is soft spoken and polite.

I say, "I need five dollars worth of tokens."

He hands me these little stupid looking pieces of paper that are shaped like dollars.

I take them and go to the back.

A man is standing in a door of the arcade. He is a 30 something skeezer wearing a baseball cap and blue jeans. I don't want him to give me a blow job. I get blow jobs from men sometimes. But that guy doesn't turn me on.

I go into a little booth and play the videos.

Most of the videos are stupid.

There's a lot of homosexual videos. A lot of man on man love taking place. There's one where a teen boy sits looking depressed while a middle-aged man kisses his nipples going, "This is so hot."

The twink looks tired and morose.

There's one with a light skinned black girl saying, "You want to see my pussy, don't you? You want to see my pussy wet for you?"

There are two shemale videos.

My penis won't work for any of these videos.

I hate my life.

People keep walking around.

A mop splashing on the floor.

Keep putting more money in.

It is no use.

Can't ejaculate.

I put my coat on and leave the store a defeated man.

The old man with the scarf says, "Have a nice day."

The blizzard is still going.

I drive to the dollar store.

Barely anyone is in the parking lot.

I enter the store.

A worker is standing there.

Don't feel like looking for safety pins in this dollar store of crap.

The woman has brown curly hair, in her thirties, unattractive, pock marks and probably has like three kids she doesn't like.

"Hi, I'm looking for the safety pins."

She points a direction and says, "They are in the crafts."

I walk to the crafts, I stand here looking around, I'm looking at the display, I can't see the safety pins, I start freaking out and yell to the lady, "I can't find them."

She notices that I'm standing right in front of them and calls me a stupid asshole in her head; she wants to say, 'Asshole they are right in front of you!' But she can't do that because she will get fired, so she yells, "Look to your left."

I look and there they are.

I yell, "Thanks."

She continues working.

They only have packs of like a 1000, I don't need a 1000, I need one. They don't sell safety pins in packs of one.

I get them and go to the register.

The woman that helped is also the register person.

A woman comes in wearing a bandanna, a shabby coat, and sadness. A man that never speaks or shows an emotion is standing in proximity to her.

The register lady says, "Oh, some more idiots on the road."

The bandanna woman responds, "Actually I came to ask advice."

"When are you due?"

"No, not that. I have a lump in my right breast."

The register woman is silent. She shows no emotion.

No one is looking into each other's eyes.

The bandanna woman continues, "I was wondering if you could suggest a doctor that wouldn't charge an arm and leg."

The register woman says, "I'm about to go for my check up-"

She hands me the change and I leave.