Seth Landman

from CONFIDENCE

I will remember
forever to walk
in the shade
and feel like that
part of morning
Missouri River
steam licked
by the light
of last night
so what do you
think what else
could these places
in earlier times
I’m not sure
have been
I’m not sure
there’s no telling
I’m not afraid
I never had
a sense of the
moment my face
just looking
around at other
faces someone
is dying and when
someone is dying
you understand
everyone dies but
this one person
do you know
what it feels
like a privilege.

Just a minute
is overwhelming
the fabric takes
in the push-pins
I go on feeling
mediocre most
of the day is stupid
most of my
mood is sour
just now I felt
like I could
have had previous
lives but most
of the time
the idea feels
optimistic like
I would have
to be stupid
to believe it
but I have family
holding on it
is really the worst
to keep going
I am a carpenter
an engineer
no one understands
any part of
what I do
the day presents
its fabric
but I don’t believe
in flags and banners
and I am not
glad for the little
I have to do
just now
just a minute
that homesick clench
in my throat
the old feeling
of feeling sad
the way it was
so far away
from the grand
association
of living things
you know
who made you
who you are.

Face like a train
you said face like
some really good
sandwich while your
face moved in
a new apartment
all day like
the sun
Sunday morning
even with the ominous
headache that will
probably continue it
all looks angry
from these big
bus windows
there’s a tropical storm
bearing down
on a friendly town
somewhere down
and everything
falling more apart
let’s say you
are right there’s
nothing to worry
about walking and
talking just doing
the normal things
people are
grown-ups in constellations
every choice
irrevocable face
like a computer
screen face like
a mirror looking
back is hard and there
is little there
face it life is
just these phones
meals and premonitions
and beyond that little
to go on.

Just landed
in the land of
worry and concern
like a cricket
in the quiet
of a field
my body is
the main thing
I want to get
rid of I suppose
these things
in my head
should come up
and see me
because I am not
the head I hold
the tension
and the big laughs
in the land of
wonder and mystery
is everyone the person
everyone wishes
everyone was
not tonight
not tonight
when I am wondering
what accountability
might make me
this dream where
I am a helicopter
looking for
a parking spot
coming out the other
side of some tunnel
sleeping through
the dark night
a reset for whatever
went wrong in
dire days when
I was misadvised.

The first word said
is mispronounced
and the rest
are not much
better we are cheering
something obsolete
I guess I love
myself the most
a little miserable
every drop of water
puts the sky
with the sea
every storm means
every name goes by
goes on forever
feels that magic
is drastic I can’t
say what remembers
me but I know
I don’t in confidence
get better whispering
in lieu of crying
I rifled through
all my books
for evidence
there was nothing
I understood
California where
I once lived
for a little
while a storm
there was one
day of rain
it was amazing
what we lived for
when we lived.